Female Orgasms

While the clitoris has similarities to the penis, the next most important lesson, after finding it, is to realize how different it is from the penis. Masturbation for most men is about squeezing hard and going fast. So men naturally assume it’s the same for women. It’s not. Since there are so many more nerve endings in the clitoris than the penis, touch gently and vary the motion.

Another way women tend to be different from men is that when you hit the right motion and frequency on the clitoris (producing moans, words, hip motion, or increased natural lubrication) keep going exactly the way you are. Don’t change a thing; hang in there to orgasm and beyond.

A man masturbating would likely go harder and faster as orgasm approaches. Resist the urge to do that with a woman. Remember, when you hit the right spot and motion near orgasm, don’t change a thing.

For most women, clitoral stimulation will be the easiest mode to orgasm, so that’s a great place to start. Hopefully you’ll have years to experiment with other options. Some women climax from nipple play alone and a rare few can orgasm just by thinking (I’m glad I don’t have that superpower...I wouldn’t get much else done in life).


Learning the information above, which occurred decades into our marriage, greatly improved our sex life. Learning how to please each other seems simple but often isn’t. Many people struggle to talk about sex. Even with their spouses, folks are too embarrassed to talk.

Many married couples go decades having lousy sex until they finally get comfortable enough to talk through their issues. With some adjustments, these couples start having the best sex of their lives, even though their 40- or 50-year-old bodies wouldn’t win any beauty contests.

It got much better for them—and for Debby and me—and it can get better for you too. Don’t obsess about what could have happened in the past. Understand that the past shaped you (good and bad) for where you are now.

Don’t worry about what may happen in the future. You only have this present moment. You get to choose to make things better, to make things worse, or to do nothing. Choose better.