What do you see between a woman’s legs? Most folks would say the vagina. Most folks would be wrong, which shouldn’t surprise us. The “vulva” is the correct name for a woman’s external genital area.
The vulva includes:
1. Mons Pubis or “Pubic Mound” is the rounded mass of fatty tissue atop the pubic bone and covered with pubic hair. The mons pubis is at the top of the vulva at the 12:00 position.
2. Perineum or the “Taint” is the small, smooth, hairless area at the bottom of the vulva, located between the anus and the vagina opening. Located at the 6:00 position.
3. Outer lips or “Labia Majora” are longitudinal skin folds that run from the mons pubis to the perineum. The outer lips are similar to the male scrotum and tend to have pubic hair. Located at the 3:00 and 9:00 positions.
4. Inner lips or “Labia Minora” are flaps of skin, generally hairless, located inside the outer lips. The inner lips vary widely in size, color, and shape from woman to woman. The inner lips are similar to the male penile skin. Located at the 3:00 and 9:00 positions.
5. Clitoral Hood is at the top of the inner lips and is similar to the foreskin of an uncircumcised penis. This small fold of skin protects or folds over the clitoris.
6. Clitoris (pronounced CLIT-or-is or cli-Tor-is) is often quite small until stimulated, but then it may grow to ½ to 1” long. The tip or glans is extremely sensitive, more so than the head of a penis. The shaft is also sensitive.
7. Urethral opening is located between the clitoris and the vagina, but you won’t find it unless you see a urine stream coming out of it. There is no real reason to find it; it is just good to know it’s there.
8. Vagina opening: Generally, the outer and inner lips need to be spread apart to see the vagina opening. It is located at the center of the clock.
If you want to pleasure a woman, study all the parts of the vulva. Study it like you were planning to take a test. Then, experiment with stroking, licking, kissing, nibbling or blowing and find what she likes and what she doesn’t. One word of caution: never blow into the vaginal opening, you could introduce dangerous air bubbles into the blood.
Some specific directions for a man to perform oral sex on a woman (AKA cunnilingus): First, what not to do. Don’t go in there lapping like a dog eating peanut butter. Remember the amazing sensitivity of the clitoris. Also, remember this isn’t a race to an orgasm. The goal is to give pleasure and enjoy doing it. Sometimes orgasms will follow from that, but don’t make that the goal. Don’t make the orgasm the measure of success.
Now that you’ve got the lay of the land, let’s cover some emotional issues surrounding the area. Many women struggle with how their vulvas look; they often think their vulva looks wrong, perhaps because it doesn’t look like what they’ve seen in magazines or videos. Vulvas can look incredibly different, and you should praise your partner’s vulva. Also take the opportunity to compliment the sweet smell. Cunnilingus uses all five senses. Learn to enjoy each of those senses and to let your wife know the specifics of what you’re enjoying sensually.
Now let’s dive into more detailed advice. Hopefully you’ve taken some time to explore and pleasure other parts of her body. Facing the situation, as it were, don’t just to stick out your tongue and say, “Ahhhh.” Consider some technique training.
Put your hand in front of your face and imagine it’s a vulva (you now know the parts). Lick your palm imagining the vulva. Feel silly? Great. It’s good for the soul to feel a little silly sometimes.
So what’s the first thing you notice when you lick your palm? You probably wonder where to start and how to lick. Then, after you start licking you’ll notice how quickly your tongue gets dry. A dry tongue produces too much friction. Remember to keep dipping it back in your mouth for more saliva. Think “fountain pen.”
Now try to vary the hardness of your tongue. You can use a broad, relaxed tongue for a gentle stroke or a more pointed, tensed tongue for a hard stroke. If this all sounds like French to you, well, it is.
Then try various stroke types:
1. Up only (not licking on the down stroke)
2. Down only (not licking on the up stroke)
3. Up and down (licking on both strokes)
4. Side to side (licking on both strokes)
5. Circular
6. Geometric shapes
7. Alphabet letter shapes
My favorite multi-tasking event for my Type A personality came from doing alphabet letter shapes. I was planning a trip to Russia and learning to speak some basic Russian. This study involved learning the Cyrillic alphabet, which is similar to the English alphabet but has a bunch of different letters. So I’d trace those letters with my tongue on my lover’s clitoris, giving pleasure while learning Russian. And yes, I know I’m a weirdo.