Is Oral Sex for You?

I have no idea if you and your spouse should be going down on each other. If you struggle with the concept, go to the Lord in prayer and the Holy Spirit will give you guidance.

Remember, if you’re very interested and your partner is very opposed, please don’t try to force your will. The Bible tells us many times to be kind and to try not to force our will on others. So please don’t use the above verses as a hammer to get your way. Hopefully your sex life, like the rest of your life, involves a constant striving to control your own selfishness and laziness while loving your spouse.

In our relationships with others, especially our spouse, we should be looking to I Corinthians 13 as our behavior guide. Let’s look at it now and see how we fair:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Whether you’re talking about oral sex or deciding where to have supper, this self-sacrificing love should be your model. When you both try it, even in our vastly imperfect humanness, the results amaze.

What if one of you thinks that oral sex is simply disgusting? As challenging as these things are to discuss, it’s worth the effort. You may conclude that it’s not for you and your marriage. That’s fine. We all get to decide how to live our weird, short little lives. Just don’t default to “No” on everything that takes you out of your comfort zone. Too many Christians tiptoe through life to get to death safely.

So what other objections to oral sex, besides “it’s sinful” or “I just don’t want to,” are there? Cleanliness tends to be another big one. Lots of women have the idea that they are dirty or smelly down there (it seems few men have that concern for themselves).

In reality, genitals of a healthy person that have been recently washed tend to be cleaner than our mouths. Men, assure your partner that God made the female genitals as one of the most self-cleaning and self-maintaining areas on her body. Generally, the slight odor from clean female genitals are a turn-on for the male. Men are designed to like that musky smell.

If it’s a new act for you, take a bath or shower together first. The act of washing each other builds intimacy and trust and helps remove the smell concern. As with all sexual techniques, don’t just start in like you’re going to work. Remember romance, preparation, relaxation, and fun.