Now let’s consider my favorite topic: fellatio, a woman performing oral sex on a man. It’s a fairly straight forward deal. Unlike all the complexities of the vulva, the penis just sticks out there like a popsicle...or a banana.

The first important item is for the male genital area to be clean. The heat and sweaty moisture down there can cause bacteria growth. No one wants that. Start by getting clean.

As you contemplate fellatio, consider how it’s going to end. There are really only two options. Either the fellatio is a bit of foreplay that then moves on to some other sexual shenanigans or it ends with ejaculation. If it’s the latter, women have three options:

1. Take the ejaculate in your mouth and then spit it out.

2. Take the ejaculate in your mouth and swallow it.

3. Let the ejaculate fly into the air.

So the options are spit, swallow, or fly. Which is the right way to go? It’s up to you.

Don’t be pressured into doing something you really don’t like. On the other hand, I can tell you that orgasming into a mouth feels wonderful. But since the whole process feels pretty wonderful, don’t feel it has to end a certain way in order to be acceptable. Emily Post has no rules for fellatio.

Let’s talk quickly about gag prevention. Remember the 1970s porn movie Deep Throat? Everyone has heard of it, but few people have seen it. The premise was that a woman needs to take the whole (and weirdly huge) penis in the mouth to do it right. That’s a silly idea. If your husband pushes this idea, buy him a cucumber about his size and ask him to show you how it’s done. Of course if he likes that, you may have another problem.

Back to gag prevention. Most men will have a natural tendency just before and during orgasm to want to thrust forward and go deeper. Hence, the tendency to gag. You can talk about this, though your mouth may be full at the time, and many folks are uncomfortable talking about these kinds of things. So while I encourage you to speak up, I understand many women won’t.

If you don’t want to talk about it, try placing your fist around the bottom of the penis, like you were grabbing onto a pole. With your fist in this position, you create a stop on the penis that only lets the exposed part above your thumb into your mouth. If your spouse has been especially gifted, you may need to grab it with both hands like a baseball bat.

Now let’s get down to what really great fellatio might include.

1.     Saliva: The extra lubricant works better for everyone. Drool running down a penis makes for better hand pumping at the lower end of the shaft. You can put a towel under him if you don’t want a spit spot on the sheets when you’re done. For me, avoiding the spot is good post coital exercise.

2.     Soft or Hard, it’s all good: Don’t worry if your man isn’t hard. It’s going to feel great either way. Let him just relax and feel no pressure to perform.

3.     Frenulum, the secret spot: The most sensitive spot on a penis is on the bottom, just below the head. It’s called the frenulum. If you don’t want his penis in your mouth, you can lick and suck this area while using both hands on his penis and testicles. If he’s on his back and you are laying off to the side, you will be in position to do this. Remember to use lots of saliva on the frenulum and kiss like you’re back in high school.

4.     Teeth: I remember snorkeling in the Caribbean and seeing a barracuda with its big teeth. Ladies, listen: when your teeth touch a penis during fellatio, the barracuda is likely the image that comes to his mind. Be careful. As always, you may want to just ask. Some men like the feeling of choppers chomping.

5.     Sealing the seam: On the underside of the penis, there is a seam that runs from the head to the scrotum (I’m sure, I just checked). Try giving a long wet lick from the scrotum, along the seam, and all the way to the head—like licking an envelope.

6.     Suck and pump: Take the penis head in your mouth, bob up and down, and add some pleasant variety by grabbing the lower part of the penis shaft with your hand and pumping in time with your mouth. Again, let some saliva roll down the shaft for better lubrication.

7.     Perineum tickle: The perineum (also called the taint) is the highly sensitive area between the scrotum and the anus. Licking or lightly touching this area adds wonderful variety in fellatio.

8.     Hot, cold, and menthol: Just like different temperatures can create wonderful sensations during oral sex on a woman, great feelings can follow from a mouthful of ice chips, hot tea, or a strong mint.

9.     All hands on deck: You may want to use your hands as well as your mouth to up the eroticism. Rubbing his nipples, tickling his scrotum, pulling his butt towards you, or any of dozens of other antics can make him feel great.

10.  Your two new best friends: Pay particular attention to the testicles. Kissing them or taking one into your mouth and gently sucking it will be a big turn-on…unless, of course, it’s not. As always, talk about it.

11.  Multi-tasking Masturbation: If you like to multi-task, you may want to masturbate as you’re performing fellatio. It will certainly turn him on all the more. Using a mirror so he can watch you masturbate also adds to the experience.

12.  Sound Vibrations: Moaning or any kind of enthusiastic sex noises while performing fellatio adds a wonderful vibration on the penis. Plus, the man will be much more excited knowing you are enjoying yourself down there. The less it seems a chore for you, the better it will be for both of you.

All the above techniques can be wonderful and appreciated. But remember, this ends in one of two ways. Either you move on to other intimacies (with a very appreciative partner who should now be treating you like a queen) or go all the way to ejaculation.

If you opt for ejaculation, you can learn to know when that train is about to leave the station. The penis will swell more and start to throb. He may moan and move more. A bit of pre-ejaculate often escapes as well. When you recognize the time approaching, you get to decide how you want to handle this momentous occasion. You have the spit, swallow, or fly decision.

Anything you try will probably be appreciated. Enthusiasm trumps technique, though great technique is a wonderful thing. If you’re only doing it because you feel you have to, it won’t be nearly as good for him as it will be if you are into it. Have fun pleasing each other. And remember oral sex for a last-minute gift idea.