If you want great sex, kiss and massage often. Both show love, but don’t forget that competence matters too. When someone tongues like a Roto-Rooter or slobbers like a Saint Bernard, kissing quickly goes from erotic to gross. Don’t do that.

Kissing can be gentle or intense. Either person can control the kiss, or the control can go back and forth. Kissing should be intensely personal.

Ask your partner to kiss you the way she or he likes. That’s a good place to start—and come back to from time to time. Strive to build increased intimacy with your partner year after year.

Have you noticed that most women dance better than men? It’s another generalization that has plenty of exceptions, but it holds some truth. Like dancing, most women tend to be better at kissing than men.

Here’s some advice for wives: If your husband kisses like he’s trying to prime a pump, consider teaching him to kiss differently. In attempt to modify any husband’s behavior, you may want to use the following steps:

1. First, tell him. Use words. Tell him in English. No hable Español. Unless he does hable Español, then that’s probably fine.
2. Then, tell him again a few more times. Understand this great, not-so-secret secret: men are dense.
3. Finally, when you’re telling him, do it without contempt or judgment. You’d be surprised if you knew how tender his heart really is and how much your criticism hurts him. Just don’t expect him to let you know; he might not know himself.

One way or another, your kissing should continue to be a source of pleasure and play. Now let’s consider massage. Almost everyone likes a good massage. Our tight muscles relax with the right pressure, allowing more overall relaxation. Here are some massage tips:

1.     Consider the various types of massage and decide which ones you want to give and/or your partner wants to receive:

a.     Back massage

b.     Foot massage

c.     Hand massage

d.     Scalp massage

e.     Neck and shoulder massage

f.      Leg and butt massage

g.     Full body massage

2.     Consider sources of friction and ways to lessen it for a more pleasurable experience:

a.     Over the clothing

b.     Hands on raw skin

c.     Hands on powdered skin (Baby Powder is just cornstarch. You may have some in your kitchen.)

d.     Hands on oiled skin with heated massage oil, baby oil, or another oil option

3.     Go slow. The most common massage error—after not even trying—is moving your hands too fast. Go with slow, firm pressure that moves the muscle under the skin.

4.     Don’t cause too much pain. A bit of discomfort often occurs in a good massage, but it shouldn’t really hurt. Ask your partner to tell you what feels good and what just hurts.

5.     Use all your tools: fingers, palms, heels of your hands, forearms, a tennis ball, massage sticks, or massage vibrators. Each of these can produce great results. To keep from making yourself too tired, mix things up. Some light punches and Karate chops also add fun variety...just don’t do that when you’re angry.

6.     Be careful with bones and joints. Don’t push directly on the spine and be gentle at all joints.

7.     Cool down with light touch strokes, perhaps using only fingernails.

8.     If you’re a visual learner, go to YouTube and type in “How to give” any of the items listed in #1.

9.     Experiment and have fun.

To build a wonderful relationship with your spouse, give massages. By the way, make sure that, “Let me give you a massage,” doesn’t always lead to sex.  Occasionally practice the “Art of Self-Restraint.”